No Words
by koa-chan
Summary: Both were afraid to fall – because they knew that it's not safe especially when you're uncertain of where you stand. And they doubt that each other felt the same – because no words came out. An Ichiruki oneshot. Their relationship, and its progression.


**disclaimer: **Bleachie no minie... If it's mine, then Ichigo and Rukia are hooked already since the first episode.**

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**_N_o _W_ords**

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_Because of you, Rukia… The rain is about to move on…_

But then… it started another dawn shower. She stayed. And he knew he did not work for just nothing. Dammit, it's alright. He smiled at her before they left. She smiled back and gave him thanks. She said she'll follow. She _promised_. And he knew she keeps her promises.

Ichigo was aware of his feelings. He knew himself well, and he knows that there's not a case when he wasn't sure of his emotions. When he said that he'll go to Soul Society to save her, he was sure. He wanted to do it. When he told her it was okay for him that she'll stay, he was sure. He's happy for her to be back with her loved ones.

Rukia has stepped in and out his life. Stepped in unexpectedly… sometimes, predictably, and even at times annoyingly. She leaves him… without notice, with proper permission or sometimes with near-to-tear moments. Dang, he'll never be able to read her, right?

And here we thought they interpret each other like _glass walls_. Sometimes no.

But he felt _it_. And, as brave as he is, he just can't say it. He can't tell her. And no words came out from him.

Then, she came back, wearing that dress that Ishida gave her before they all bid their farewells. As promised, Rukia came back, rescued him in a pinch, and smirked at him like the cocky bitch she always is.

And she, as usual, pulled him out his inner demons. She brought back life to him. She brought the soul back to him. Rukia brought back his will to fight. All because of her words… and her mere presence.

But things will have gone _better_if she didn't kick him, right??? Anyways…

"What are you afraid of?!"

Those words rang into his ears.

"CHAD GOR HURT!! INOUE GOT HURT!! SO WHAT?!?! HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN A MAN WHO LOSES HIS SPIRIT OVER LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT?! IS IT SCARY TO LOSE?! IS IT SCARY NOT BEING ABLE TO PROTECT YOUR FRIENDS?! OR… IS IT SCARY FACING THE HOLLOW INSIDE YOU?!?!"

Ichigo stopped dead in his tracks. He looked at her with wide eyes. She looked back, stern. Then, Rukia closed her eyes, clenched her fists, and spoke.

"If you're afraid of losing, just get stronger. If you're afraid of not being able to protect your friends, swear to get stronger until you can protect them! If you're afraid of the hollow inside you, just get stronger until you can crush him! If you don't want to listen to others, just hold your chin up and yell those words to yourself!!!"

Then, with a small pause for breath, Rukia spoke up again. "I'll yell something to myself."

The next statement kicked him out of his trance.

"THAT'S THE KIND OF MAN YOU HAVE BEEN IN MY HEART, ICHIGO!!!"

He grinned. There's no mistaking it. This, indeed, is Kuchiki Rukia.

And he's Kurosaki Ichigo.

"Tsk. You're really noisy, do you know that?" He grinned as he wielded his Zangetsu. Time to give her credit for all those shouts she did.

Because he knew she was watching his back, expecting him to be back to his senses. Rukia's there, and she is determines to knock some sense off him, or, he thought annoyingly, if she didn't succeed, he will be the one knocked out. Sometimes he really needed her to kick his head and snap him back to reality, right?

And that's when he brightened up again. She was back. Rukia was here. With him. She was back beside him, and that's what assured him that it's all right. There was nothing wrong in the world.

_Except this._

_You are my guide when I am lost. __You are my sanctuary. __You are my heart that keeps me alive. __You are my sanctuary._

Callalily; Sanctuary

There were nemesis everywhere. Arrancars started attacking. But still… they stuck up for each other. Rukia stayed. Ichigo fought. He was grateful. But still, no words came out from him.

When she released her true capabilities, Ichigo felt awkward. He was used to protecting her everytime, catch her fall and say 'Don't worry, I'm here.'. He did not really consider her weak back then, but he had it already carved in his instincts – he had it already as a reflex action to save her everytime, tell her, 'step back, I'll handle this'. But she was also right – he's getting a big-head. He _did not_ trust her.

For Rukia, she wanted to prove that she's not someone he's required to save. She can stand alone. She can defend herself, and that this time, nobody is going to take her away from him. She don't wanna leave… AND she _will not_ leave. And that's because she needs him. She felt safer by his side. But she doesn't need his overprotection.

---

_Saw your name written on the ceiling. Not sure if I'm still dreaming of you  
I've seen you in my sleep_

Spongecola; Nocturne

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One more fight and Ichigo went instinctively in front of her. Wrong move. Rukia got mad. He felt sorry. He didn't mean it. But no words came out of him. That's why she avoided him for a week or so. But they got through it.

"I just don't want you to get hurt."

"But I CAN take care of myself!"

"I know."

"Then why do you keep butting in in MY battles?!"

"Because…-"

No words finished that sentence. It was just that Rukia felt herself get wrapped up in his arms, and then she heard his answer.

_'I'll try to trust you next time.'_

No words came out his mouth, but she understood him.

No argument like that followed after. Then, as time passed, they were able to move on. The enemies were gone, and they were all back to their normal duties. She stayed. He was happy. But no words came out from either of them.

"HELL NO!" It was Ichigo that reacted even faster than Rukia.

Byakuya and Renji raised eyebrows. "What?"

"I mean…" Ichigo looked down and recounted the events. "How come… - … Arranged marriage? HELLO??? Rukia? Agree to that? It's-"

"Get to the point." Renji mumbled. "It was Rukia and ONLY Rukia. She's the first, last and only choice. Besides, the guy will come from a well-respected fa-"

"Well-respected whatever, my ass!" the orange-head shouted, then he turned to Rukia. "Hey, you… SPEAK UP. They're going to let you marry an arrogant son of a bitch and-"

Rukia hesitated at first, but she gave up eventually. "Ichigo, let them-"

"I WON'T JUST STAND HERE AND LISTEN, YOU-"

Renji cut him off. "YOU listen, you bas-"

"Stop cutting each other off." Byakuya's deep voice resounded. "Since Kurosaki here will probably shout his lungs off, and you, Rukia, will probably say no, then the answer is most probably no."

"Nii-sama…"

"Kuchiki-taichou…"

"Byakuya… You mean… it's…???"

"I came here to make you choose between yes or no. You've given your answer." The captain stood up. "Let's go, Abarai, I've heard enough."

After that, it was like nothing happened.

Rukia felt herself contented. Ichigo felt the same. She stayed at his house, in the room of his sisters that she also considered hers. He showed no interest in their new family member. That's on the outside. Inside, he was feeling overjoyed. They don't have to hide it anymore. Both were satisfied on the way the world revolved around them.

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_You are my better half. __You taught me things that I need to know __And you made me realize t__hat life is not just a simple song._

Callalily; Sanctuary

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But things don't just stay the way they are. Things change.

… And among those irregular things are relationships.

Because as almost two years of hollow-battling, cat-fighting, endless silly arguments and company passed, they both grew. Rukia came accustomed to the human-world, getting assigned there – she was fit of traveling to places, she did her school well, she got along with most friends, she kicked hollow ass faster than ever, she became closer to her partner. Ichigo came accustomed to Rukia's existence as part of his lifestyle – from her hair, her scent, her mere presence beside him on his bed during assignment nights, her figure next to him walking to school every morning, to her obscure drawings that seemed to show no development whatsoever.

They both grew. They both became emotionally, physically and intellectually mature. And they learned many things.

One became a part of the other. They were inseparable. And, it was as if they wouldn't leave each other's side ever. But in how much grateful they both are for each other's presence, no words came out.

Ichigo was surprised to how much she changed him. He became a shinigami because of her. He was able to protect his family – and all those people he cherished. He was capable of helping all those within his grasp. And he met a teacher, rival, protector, and a best friend – and he couldn't ask for more. All these he kept inside… and he knew she'll never know how much he treasured her unless he speak. He knew she'll never know how dear she is for him – how much he _loved_ _her_ – unless he speak. But then, as usual, no words came out.

And because of his overflowing pride, he'll never know that she felt the same.

Because Rukia, by the same degree was surprised to how much he changed her. Because of him, she learned how to break the rules for good. She knew the meaning of trust. She met someone who'll risk his life for her. She met a teacher, rival, protector, and a best friend – which, in the same way, she couldn't ask for more. And she also kept these inside… even if she knew it'll be worth a try – fear blocked her way. Fear that she'll be rejected once again – that he only loved her as a friend, a sister – nothing more, nothing less. She knew that he'll never know how much she _loved him_ – that she's willing to sacrifice for him – unless she says it. But she didn't speak, because something was staying her lips. Something was stopping her. So no words came out.

They became inseparable? Almost. Because the more they fell, the more their relationship also fell. Because of the confusion – because for the first time in their life, the glass walls they held upon each other became tainted black – so dark a shade that they cannot see each other anymore. They struggled to keep their feelings inside – no one swallowed his or her pride – that both became elusive to one another and their relationship slowly crumbled to pieces.

Ichigo didn't know why. Why did she suddenly become too timid? Why did she stop telling him her troubles? Didn't they say that there's 'No secrets. No lies.' to one another? How come she suddenly seem to evade his mere presence? As a result, he tried to ignore her – to push the thoughts away. But that only seemed to push them apart.

So he tried asking her.

"Is something wrong?"

"N-No! Why would something be wrong?"

He pretended to believe her. Yeah, why would something be wrong? He didn't do anything to her! If there's something off beam he did, she'll tell him…

Right?

Right. He did not lie to her. He lied to himself.

Rukia didn't know why he suddenly became so edgy. Why does it seem that he don't want to see her? Didn't they say they'll go to each other for comfort? Why did he try to drive her away, then? She was so uncertain that tried to evade him. She tried to push herself away… because it hurts when she sees him trying to shove her away. But they seem to drift separately.

When he asked her, she denied the incorrectness of the situation. But she asked him instead.

"How about you, Ichigo? Is something wrong?"

"Aa, I'm perfectly fine."

He smiled. She smiled back.

But both knew those were all false.

He tried to push her away. She tried to avoid him. They did those things because of fear and doubt. Fear that they'll fall deeper. Doubt that they felt the same. Both were afraid to fall – because they knew that it's not safe especially when you're uncertain of where you stand. And they doubt that each other felt the same – because no words came out.

And they really did crumble down. The bonds they built so hard together began being a blur… soon, they didn't know each other – they couldn't interpret a single word one says. They couldn't understand a single gesture one makes.

Until someone gave up.

Rukia felt suffocated. She wanted to escape, simply because she wanted to get over him, and can't. She knew this won't last long. She'll have to leave someday. And, she knew it will hurt.

She decided to leave now. Now - because if she lets this last longer, the more leaving would hurt. Because the longer she spent time with him, the bigger the gaps they're creating, the deeper she fell for him - the worse her feelings hurt.

She needed to escape. Now. And her brother's help came just in perfect timing.

"I'm leaving."

As if by reflex, he turned around.

"What?!"

"I'm leaving. Nii-sama has been thinking lately. He thinks that I can handle vice captain duty-… Well, I CAN. He knows that. It's just that Ukitake-taichou already wanted me to get used to vice captain stuff and-"

"But that's-… How about…-???"

"If you're thinking of my duties here, they'll make sure somebody takes over my job as-"

"I didn't mean that!"

"Then what do you mean?!"

No words came. It was just the tearing apart of two hearts. It completely went down. Shattered. It hurts, for both of them… But still, no words were spoken.

_---_

_Is this the price we pay w__ith all the good times we shared?_

Shamrock; Hold on

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The day came. She will step out of his life again. This time, Ichigo knew. The consequences were bigger. Harder.

When she headed to that goddamned gate, he didn't lose sight of the teardrops that slid down her face. Was it really the end? Is this the last time he'll see her?

He knew it. This was his fault. If only he told her earlier. Now it's too late.

Or is it?

Yesterday may have gone. Tomorrow may be unknown. Today is… Today is now. Today is changeable…

He knew it. This is now or never.

"RUKIA!!!"

Startled, she paused midstep, and turned around to face him. He showed no fear. Will he do this his way? Knock all of it over in one hit? Or… will he… will he stop her?

"WHAT ABOUT US?!"

Rukia couldn't help but smile a bit. "Us…?"

"IF YOU LEAVE THROUGH THAT FUCKING GATE, WHAT WILL I DO?!"

She chuckled. This was Ichigo. He'll never change.

"ANSWER ME!!!"

Rukia bit her lip. "What will YOU do, Ichigo? I thought it's okay for me to leave. You said it's my choice…"

"I KNOW I SAID THAT, but I'm an idiot! A big idiot, you don't know?"

"I know…"

"I didn't mean what I said!"

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_How do I remain complete w__hen all we bled is lost? __We could've burned the earth and sky... __A second chance... __The seconds spent..._

Chicosci; Seven Black Roses

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They stood there, in deafening silence. One contemplating on what to say. Both afraid, both content, both somewhat… happy.

"Rukia, don't leave. Please?"

She smiled. "Why?"

Ichigo groaned. How troublesome.

"BECAUSE IF YOU LEAVE, I'LL GO THERE AGAIN AND DRAG YOU BACK, YOU STUPID BITCH! I'm not afraid of fighting the whole Soul Society! I did that once, and I'm not afraid of doing that again!!!"

He practically shouted his lungs off, because he was panting after that.

She laughed. "What will I tell Renji and nii-sama, then?"

"Don't worry about them. Tell them I won't hesitate to kick their sorry asses if they dare take you away from me!"

She bonked him on the head. "Ichigo, you bastard! Of course I can't tell them that, fool!!! And who the heck said I'm leaving you!? NEVER AGAIN!"

He smiled as she walked up to him and hugged him. It seemed as if the pieces that broke down and crumbled became whole again in a heartbeat. His heart was content. He knew she felt the same. She's there, and she's not leaving him anymore. He's there and he's holding her in his arms. They're together. There's nothing wrong in the world. And they were both happy, because they're together. But then, still, no words came out.

That's because words were unnecessary now. Unspoken words are the ones that mean the most, after all.

-- **OWARI** --

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_started: March 4, 2007 / finished: March 5, 2007 / revised: March 8, 2007 / posted: March 28, 2007_

_(points up) _Now THAT above, is something new for me. Whoo... Did take me quite a while to post this, ne? Anyways, I'm just trying to see the truth in their relationship. Both of them, though softspoken, are notably chatterboxes when it comes to each other. But, as much as we know - that they're open to each other's emotions - HECK, it will be like... THE END OF THE WORLD! before they say those mushy 1-4-3's to each other.

Oh yeah, and the last part was truly unexpected. Ichigo shouting just like that... How idiotic of him... hehe... But. hey! It's EFFECTIVE!

Anyways, the gaps between the dates of the days I started, finished and revised this one is... yeah, questionable. It's because at that period, I was busy starting studying for the friggin' finals. Heck, one nerdy Koa-chan the whole March. NOW, don't ask me why I only posted this NOW. _(hides)_

Sooooo... the lines above? Soooorry, I can't help it! See, I was listening to new OPM songs and... ended up getting more motivated with those tracks. Hehe... The MUSIC-LOVING being I am... Soooo... JA! (I actually lost the file for the new chapter of ASoaC and there, I'm currently doing it all over again!)

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I would truly appreciate reviews, y'know! I would treasure them FOREVER!!!

Just don't hurt my feelings! TT.TT


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